Dating, we have all experienced some good dates, some dull/dreary ones, some awful cringe worthy ones and hopefully some fantastic/exciting ones too. So what makes a date amazing? Of course the person you are meeting has much to do with it, however I think there is more to it than that. I think the thing that can really make a date stand out is the shared experience you have together, and the connection this brings.
Meeting in a bar or pub for a first date is very cliché and whilst having a meal is nice, it can get boring when you do it every week for date night with your spouse. Whether it is a first date or a regular weekly ‘date night’ really spice it up by opting to do something fun and hands on.
Did you know that shared experiences create connection between people? It works like this. When you have any type of experience you will also have emotions that go along with it. So for example if you abseil off a cliff you will probably experience some nervousness, perhaps terror, adrenaline and a high. Now when we have a shared experience with another person, and we are going through similar emotions together, this creates a bond. For one thing we can relate to one another and have something to talk about, however with women there is a more tangible reason. When women have a shared (good or exciting) experience with someone a chemical called Oxytocin actually gets released in our bodies. This is the bonding hormone and will make us feel closer to the person we are having the experience with. Now couple that with some adrenaline from doing something exciting, and some endorphins and serotonin from doing something fun, and it’s a pretty heady mix. When you look at it this way it is easy to see how we can fall for someone we date.
So how can we apply this to the concept of dating? Easy, you want to plan dates that create that shared experience and include a fun and exciting element. The good news is that normal, everyday people who are not model look-alikes can still create these sort of experiences. And this gives you an edge over your competitors. How powerful and attractive to be able to create this sort of experience, and what a great way to ramp up attraction. When we feel heightened emotions and bonding with another person we feel attracted to them.
The other benefit of choosing something unique and fun for your date is that it will break the ice, which is especially important if it’s a first date. When you are working out how to cook a pizza together you don’t have much time for feeling awkward. And it can allow opportunities for getting physical and flirty with one another. It’s often hard to touch someone you hardly know when on a date in a bar, however when you are doing something practical together it’s much easier. If you have to work together on the activity that is even better, remember that shared experience creates connection. And if your activity is fun and you find yourselves laughing this will help you both to relax.
Here are some ideas for you:
- Cooking together – Cooking together can be a lot of fun. You can either book a cooking lesson or cook something at home (assuming it’s not a first date).
- Pottery – Again this is a hands on option and can be very sexy. Think of the film ‘Ghost’. And the great part is that there will be a keepsake from the date in the form of whatever you made. Just make sure your date knows to wear old clothes.
- A walk with dramatic scenery – We spoke about creating a shared experience and if you don’t have much time or you are on a budget a walk together can be ideal. People often find it easier to relax and talk when they are walking. And if you choose somewhere that has nice scenery this can add to the experience. One of the best dates I ever had was picking wild mushrooms in a forest. Luckily the man I was dating knew which ones were edible!
- Something daring like abseiling or zorbing – For adrenaline junkies this is perfect. Just make sure your date knows what you are planning and is up for it before you go!
- Go to the zoo – Anything with animals is great. Petting the animals can get your warmed up and in the mood for petting each other. Plus it helps to release that all important hormone Oxytocin.
- Horse riding – Horse riding can really be a laugh, and also a challenge if you have not tried it before. Again just check your partner is up for the challenge before you go as it is not for everyone.
- Art exhibition – If you both like art this can make for a cultured and fabulous shared experience. Photo exhibitions can be fun too.
