If you are dating a girl who shows little affection you may be tempted to throw in the towel. You might be the one to always initiate physical contact such as hugging, cuddling, or kissing. While she is receptive to your displays of affection, she seems to be uncomfortable initiating these gestures on her own. If you have detected this from your date and it troubles you, take action now in order to avoid unnecessary tension in your relationship.
Describe Your Feelings
It is important to understand that your girlfriend cannot read your mind and may have no idea how her behavior affects you. Relationship expert, Dr. Karen Sherman emphasizes that it is important to tell your girlfriend how you feel. Perhaps, her unaffectionate behavior has left you feeling rejected, distant from her, frustrated, or even undesirable. Whatever it is, pull her aside for a serious discussion and voice how her actions affect you.
Ask for Feedback
After you have brought awareness to what bothers you, it is time to dig deeper. Ask questions to help identify the root cause of your girlfriend’s behavior. She may have been in previous relationships in which her dates didn’t require a lot of affection. Furthermore, if your relationship is still fairly new, she might need more time to warm up to you and the demands of the relationship. Once the two of you have pinpointed possible reasons for her lack of affection, brainstorm ways the both of you can have your needs met.
Be Yourself
Remember, you should express feelings to your girlfriend in a way that comes naturally to you, even if she doesn’t reciprocate them. In his article “10 Characteristics of Highly Affectionate People”, Dr. Kory Floyd lists the many benefits of showing affection such as having higher self-esteem, less fear of intimacy, and greater resilience from stress. Additionally, researchers Andrew Gulledge, Michelle Gulledge, and Robert Stahmann demonstrated that physical affection increases relationship satisfaction for both partners. In spite of your girlfriend‘s lack of affection, your own openness to display affection allows you to maximize on these positive outcomes and have improved relationships in the future.
Make the Tough Decision
It may come to a point when you realize that, despite your girlfriend’s best efforts, you are still dissatisfied in the relationship. Dr. Sherman says that an important factor in any relationship is learning to accept one another’s differences. If you find that your girlfriend’s lack of affection continues to bother you, it may be best to end the relationship cordially and find someone who can fulfill your need for affection.
